Insult funny jokes sms { jokes & SMS }

Insult SMS 

* Yaad hai ham pehle kahan milte the.. 

Train ruki, 

khidki khuli, 

nazro se nazre mili aur aapne kahan..

ALLAH KE NAAM PE KUCH DE DE BABA!!! 

* Khush to bohut hoge tum, 

baat hi kuchh aisi hai, 

1st april jo hai aaj, 

dil mein gudgudi si ho rahi hogi, 

aur kyo na ho.. saal mai 1 hi toh din aata hai jo 

hota hai sirf tumhare naam. 

* Aapki yaad mein ek shair arz kiya hai.. 

Aaj hai mangal, kal tha peer.. 

Wah wah… 

Aja hai mangal, kal tha peer.. 

Kabhi to kuchh bheja kar ‘FAQEER’. 

* In me se koi 1 chez select karo 

1.Hthora 

2.pathar 

3.Gun 

4.Pipe 

5.Tube 

6.Mike 

7.Raad 

8.Danda 

Or 

apne sar pe zor se maro. 

Kanjus kuch to sharm kar liya kar. 

* Girl Friend: I want a 

‘Blackberry’ or 

‘Apple’ 

on upcoming Valentine’s Day!! 

BF: Anar Ka Season Hai Anar Ka .. 

2 Kilo Leta Aaunga.. 

*

Achchi Baat to Sabko Achchi Lagti hai dosto…

Lekin..

Jab Tumhe Kisi ki Buri Baat bhi acchi Lage to Smjho ke..

Tumhe Pyar ..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Nahi hua hai, ZALEEL hone ki Aadat ho Gai hai..!! 

* 1 kanjoos tha, 

Bilkul kanjoos tha, 

Khalis kanjoos tha, 

Bohut ziada kanjoos tha, 

Aap mat ghabrao 

Aap ke samne to wo kuch bhi nahi tha, 

* 25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

25 25 25 25 25 

loot-loo! loot-loo! chwaniya hai, 

Mujhe MSG karne ke kaam aayengi. 

Sharmao mat. 

* A boy calls his EX- 

Boy : Hey i just saw a movie, it reminded me of you..miss you.. 

Gal : Awwwww.. even i miss you..kaunsi movie dekhi? 

Boy : Ek thi daayan 

* Ek ladka gadhe ke samne gir gaya. 

ek khubsurat ladki ne dekha aur kaha: 

Apne bade bhai ke pair chhu rahe ho? 

Ladka bola: JI BHABHI JI!

Read More

Husband-wife very funny " jokes sms" jokes&sms

Husband-Wife SMS



*Bhaiyo pesh hai is saal ka sabse khatarnak chutkula..
Romantic moment..
Beach par newly married joda udaas baitha tha.

Ladke ne us Ladki ko kaha kya bat hai udaas Q ho?
Ladki khamosh rahi..
Ladke se bardasht na hua or kaha koi waja to btao
Ladki door kinaarey par dekhne Lagi or Khamosh rahi

Ladka bola mujh se apna dukh Q chupa rahi ho?
Ladki ne apni palken jhukai or Us ki ankho se Ansu nikal gaye.

Ladka tadap utha or bola ab bata do nhi to main jaan de dunga
Ladki ne bheegi palkon ke saath Rait Par Likha
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Paad Maar rahi thi TATTI Nikal aai.


* Dukh Hamesha saath rehta hai, Magar Khushi aati jati rehti hai.
Santa, please explain this in English..
Santa: My Wife Is With Me, But Her sister Comes & Goes..!!


* Maalkin: Tum 3 din se kaam pe nahi aayi aur bataya bhi nahi?

Nokrani: Madam!!
maine to facebook pe status update kar diya tha ‘Going to gaaon for 3 days’
Sahab jee ne comment bhi kiya tha.. ‘Missing U gulabo’.


* Train main ek husband apni wife se:
Tujhse shadi karke pachta raha hun
Dil kerta hai tujhey kutto ke aage daal dun..
Samne wala passenger: wao wao wao wao!


* This is a classic!!
Santa idlibana raha tha
Wife: Tum itni achhi aur badi idli kaise banate ho?
Santa: Mere paas idli banane wala kapda hai
Wife: Haramkhor yeh meri BRA hai.


* Pappu suhaagrat mein biwi ke pichhe se daal raha tha.
Biwi: Nahi ji, aage se daalte hain!
Pappu: Tujhe kaise pata?
Biwi: Jab main college mein thi to Gunde utha le gaye the, unhone aage se dala tha!!
Pappu: Ye MC Gunde bhi confuse karte hain, mujhe le gaye the to pichhe se dala tha!!


* 7 sadhu 7 chatai par baithe the, ashram mein

Ek aadmi aaya aur sabse bade sadhu se pucha:
‘Baba biwi control nahi hoti, kya karu?

Sadhu (chote sadhu se): Ek chatai aur laga BHAI ke liye.


*
Kaisi ho Jaanu, tum mujhe miss kar rahi hogi toh socha call kar loon?

Wife: Aur subaah jo ladai hui thi, woh kya tha..?
Itna hi pyaar aa raha tha toh ladai kari hi kyun subaah subaah??
.
.
.
.
Husband: Silent..(thinking.. Saala yeh toh ghar ka number lag gaya!!)


* Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.

Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.

Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,

Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena
MAA CH*D dega !


* Accident Mein Aadmi Ka Cut Gaya:
Doctor: Hamare Pas Kutte ka Hai, laga dain?
Wife Sharma K Boli: Gadhey Ka Laga do, Kuttey Jesa To inka Pehle bhi Tha.

Read More

Husband & wife funny jokes and sms हिन्दी चुटकुले

Husband-Wife SMS

*Wife ko yaqeen tha ki pati aur Naukrani me sex Relation hai.

Dono ko 1 sath pakdne k liye plan bnaya

or Naukrani ko chupke se chutti pe bhej diya.

Raat ko pati ne pet Dard ka Bahana kiya or toilet gaya &

wife Naukrani k Bed Pe ja k so gayi or Light off kar di

wo silently Room me aye or sex krne laga

.

.

Sex k baad wife boli – Tum Mujhe Yaha dekh k SHOCKED hoge

or light on kar di

.

.

.

watchman Bola – Madam Aap ?!!!

Moral- zyada smart bnne wala aese hi ch*d jaate hai 

* Pareshan biwi, ek raat uthkar.. 

JAN GAN MAN gane lagi. 

Pati- Ye kya kar rahi ho? 

Biwi- Ek aakhri  kar rahi hoon,

iss par to pura Bharat khada ho jata hai.! 

*

Ekdum latest:

If you steal another Woman’s Husband, it is Rude 

But 

if you steal her Maid…

.

.

.

.

it is UNFORGIVABLE 

* Suhagaraat ko PATI apni PATNI se 

SEX karte hue puchhata hai.. 

Kya mahsoos kar rahi ho, Jaaneman? 

PATNI: Kya bataaun Dear!!! 

Yahi ki aaj tak main TOP-UP me hi 

apna kaam chala rahi thi, 

aaj se life-Time karva liya hai. 

* Biwi ko din me karoge to wo sust rahegi, 

Sham ko karoge to chust rahegi 

Roj karoge to tandurast rahegi, 

Karte rahoge to khush rahegi, 

‘Office se Roj Sirf 1 Call’ 

*

Monday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum daaru peeke aaye ho! Kyun?

Husband : Arre Aaj office mai foreign clients k saath meeting thi to peeni padi.

Tuesday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum fir daaru peeke aaye ho! Kyun?

Husband : Arre Aaj mere ek friend ki engagement thi to Usne party di isliye.

Wednesday Night:

Wife: Aaj bhi tum pee ke aaye..

Husband: Arre Aaj ek friend ka breakup ho gaya.. WO bahut udaas tha to Uska mood fresh karne ke liye.

Thursday Night:

Wife: Aaj fir se.. Ab kiska breakup ho gaya?

Husband: Breakup nahi.. Aaj Office mai work load tha.. bahut tension thi.. isliye

Friday Night:

Wife: Aaj kyun?

Husband : Arre jis friend ki engagement thi na Tuesday ko, Aaj uski shaadi thi..to khushi ke mauke pe to.. samajh gayi na.

Saturday Night:

Wife: hmmm.. Ab?

Husband : Aaj purane school friends mil gaye the to WO disco le gaye aur zabardasti pila di.. maine bahut mana bhi kiya par maane nahi.

Sunday Night:

Wife (gusse se): Ab Aaj kya ho gaya..?

Husband : AADMI EK DIN BHI APNI MARJI SE NAHI PI SAKTA HAI KYA..??

* Bangkok special.. 

1 baar 1 aadmi BANGKOK ja raha tha.. 

Uski wife ne.. naa chaahte huye bhi usse 

jaane ki permission de di. 

Jis din wo ghar se nikal raha tha.. 

jaate jaate usko wife ne bulaaya aur 12 

condoms ka packet dekar boli.. 

Isse rakh lo mann ho gaya to. 

Aadmi khush ho jata hai aur sochta hai.. 

‘waah kya biwi mili hai..’ 

Achaanak uski wife awaaz de kar usko fir 

bulati hai aur kehti hai: 

‘Ruko, usme se 2 mujhe de do.. kahi mera mann ho gaya to..’ 

BC Trip Cancelled.. 

* Wife drinking WHISKEY,

Asked: Tum kaun ho?

.

.

.

Husband: Pagal ho gayi ho kya?

Apne husband ko bhool gayi?

.

.

.

.

Wife: Nasha har gum bhula deta hai.. Bhaisaab..!! 

*

Ek Sali apne Jija ke sath train me ja rahi thi.

Raat ko wo kafi der tak Jija ko apne Kisse sunati rahi,

Ke, Achanak Jija ne puchha:

Kya khayal hai aaj raat hum dono miyan biwi ki tarah guzaaren.

Sali sharmate hue boli:

Ji, jaise aap ki marzi.

Jija: To chalo phir apni..

bak bak band karo aur mujhe sone do.

.

.

.

.

.

Na dosto Na.

Gande msg or mere number se?

Impossible…

*

Bahut puraani baat hai..

Ek african apni family ke sath jungle me hi rahta tha..

usane kabhi mirror nahi dekha tha..

1 din jungle me use shisha mila.

Usme khud ko dekh kar smjha ke uske baap ki tasvir hai,

aur wo use apne ghar le gaya aur roz bate karne laga.

Uski biwi ko shak hua,

1 din jab uska pati bahar gaya hua tha to usne shisha bahar nikala

aur apni shakl dekh ke boli :

Accha.. To ye hai wo Kal-muhi jis se mera pati baaten karta hai.

Usne sheesha apni saas ko dikhaya,

To Saas boli: Chinta mat kar, Shukar mana..

buddhi hai, jaldi hi mar jayegi.

Please share your friends

Read More

Insult jokes SMS हिन्दी चुटकुले

Insult SMS jokes in hindi

*Agar english aati hai to..

Fast padhkar dikaho

My

A My

They My

They They My

A My They na My

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Hahahaha..

Chhutta nahi hain maaf karo..!!!

Aage jao.. 

* Iss dharti se lekar uss amber tak.. 

Do hi cheez gazab ki hai.. 

Ek mera bholapan.. ek tera kaminapan. 

* Dil ne kaha dosto ko message kar, 

Mobile uthaaya, 

phir socha rahne de 

DIL TO PAAGAL HAI 

Phir socha DIL paagal hai to kya hua,

Dost kaun se normal hai ..!! 

* Maine 1 din Mandir ki Daan Peti mein 

1 rupaya daal kar 1 achha dost manga.. 

Tab Bhagwan ne Muje tum se milaya aur kaha: 

1 rupaye mein AISA hi milega. 

* Example of self insult, 

Boss (In Angry mood): 

Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai kya ?? 

Boy (Nazre jhuka ke): Nahi, 

Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho, 

Upar meri taraf dekho. 

* Hai, 

smart, 

bahot, 

woh, 

hai, 

bheja, 

ne, 

jis, 

aur, 

hu, 

raha, 

padh, 

se, 

niche, 

ko, msg, 

jo, 

hu, 

pagal, 

woh, 

Main. 

. 

. 

CONFUSED? 

. 

. 

Ab msg niche se upar padho..!! 

* Wo kya sahegi pyar ke dard ko.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kal activa se giri, ab tak ro rahi hai.. 

* Mobile kya hai?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Answr dhund rhe ho kya?

Ye hath me kya lauda pakda huwa hai?

Kaise kaise gandu dost hai yaar 

* Husband: Saare cooking show dekhti ho 

fir bhi thik se khana banana nahi aata..??? 

Wife: Tum bhi to blue film dekhte rehte ho 

maine kabhi kuch kaha..??? 

* Aadmi keval 2 prakar ke hote hai 

ek to jinda 

aur 

dusare 

Shadishuda

Please share your friends

Read More

Husband wife sms jokes हिन्दी चुटकुले

Husband-Wife SMS

* Mom to Children: Jo meri baat maanega aur 

muze ulta jawab nahi dega, 

usko main Gift dungi.. 

Children: Lo kar lo baat is tarah to.. 

saare gift Papa hi le jaayenge!! 

* Dharam Pita.. not real father. 

Dharam Maa.. not real mother. 

Dharam Putra.. not real son. 

Dharam Bhai.. not real brother. 

Dharam Behan.. not real Sister. 

But & 

Why this zabardast mistake happened 

Dharam-PATNI.. MEANS REAL WIFE.

* PATI: Are sunti ho! 

Seene ke safed baal dikhane par 

mujhe senior citizen pension mil gayi ! 

PATNI: Zip khol ke dikha dete to 

VIKLAANG Bhatta bhi mil jata.. 

* Son to Dad: Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki 

mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku? 

Papa: Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!! 

* Wife bache ki potty medical test karwane gayi. 

Doctor: Ye potty nahi halwa hai. 

Biwi: ek phone karlu?? 

Doctor: kyon? 

Biwi: Unko batana hai ki.. 

potty unke tiffin me chali gayi hai..!! 

* Wife: Tum saari dunya mein bhi dhoondo 

to bhi mujh jaisi doosri nahi milegi. 

Husband: Tum kya samjhti ho.. 

Mein doosri bhi tum jaisi hi dhoondoon ga..!! 

Hadd Ho Gayi.. 

* Wife: Suno ji, agar tumhaare baal isi raftaar se 

jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!! 

Pati: He BHAGWAN, aur main paagal 

inko bachaane ki koshish kar rahaa tha! 

* Kya aap ki life bahot boring hai? 

Agar haan.. 

to type kijiye 

I love U (space) (boyfriend ka naam) 

aur 

Send kare apne husband ko. 

Kasam se life me hungama mach jayega.. 

* Wife will be Wife 

Wife: Apke birthday ke liye itna mast suit liya hai ki bas puchho mat..! 

Husband: Shukar hai tumhe mera khayal to aaya, 

Lao dikhao.. 

Wife: Abhi pehen ke aati hoon. 

* Ek lady apne boyfriend ke sath ghum rahi thi. 

Itne me uska husband aa gaya aur uske Boyfriends ko peetne laga. 

Lady: Maar Saale Ko! Apni Biwi Ghumaate Nahi, Dusre Ki Biwi Ko Ghumaane le aate hai. 

Itne me BF ko josh aya or wo hsbnd ko marne laga. 

Lady: Maar sale ko! 

na khud ghumaane le jata hai, na kisi or ko ghumaane deta hai.

Share your friends

Read More