Husband & wife funny jokes and sms हिन्दी चुटकुले

Husband-Wife SMS

*Wife ko yaqeen tha ki pati aur Naukrani me sex Relation hai.

Dono ko 1 sath pakdne k liye plan bnaya

or Naukrani ko chupke se chutti pe bhej diya.

Raat ko pati ne pet Dard ka Bahana kiya or toilet gaya &

wife Naukrani k Bed Pe ja k so gayi or Light off kar di

wo silently Room me aye or sex krne laga

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Sex k baad wife boli – Tum Mujhe Yaha dekh k SHOCKED hoge

or light on kar di

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watchman Bola – Madam Aap ?!!!

Moral- zyada smart bnne wala aese hi ch*d jaate hai 

* Pareshan biwi, ek raat uthkar.. 

JAN GAN MAN gane lagi. 

Pati- Ye kya kar rahi ho? 

Biwi- Ek aakhri  kar rahi hoon,

iss par to pura Bharat khada ho jata hai.! 

*

Ekdum latest:

If you steal another Woman’s Husband, it is Rude 

But 

if you steal her Maid…

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it is UNFORGIVABLE 

* Suhagaraat ko PATI apni PATNI se 

SEX karte hue puchhata hai.. 

Kya mahsoos kar rahi ho, Jaaneman? 

PATNI: Kya bataaun Dear!!! 

Yahi ki aaj tak main TOP-UP me hi 

apna kaam chala rahi thi, 

aaj se life-Time karva liya hai. 

* Biwi ko din me karoge to wo sust rahegi, 

Sham ko karoge to chust rahegi 

Roj karoge to tandurast rahegi, 

Karte rahoge to khush rahegi, 

‘Office se Roj Sirf 1 Call’ 

*

Monday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum daaru peeke aaye ho! Kyun?

Husband : Arre Aaj office mai foreign clients k saath meeting thi to peeni padi.

Tuesday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum fir daaru peeke aaye ho! Kyun?

Husband : Arre Aaj mere ek friend ki engagement thi to Usne party di isliye.

Wednesday Night:

Wife: Aaj bhi tum pee ke aaye..

Husband: Arre Aaj ek friend ka breakup ho gaya.. WO bahut udaas tha to Uska mood fresh karne ke liye.

Thursday Night:

Wife: Aaj fir se.. Ab kiska breakup ho gaya?

Husband: Breakup nahi.. Aaj Office mai work load tha.. bahut tension thi.. isliye

Friday Night:

Wife: Aaj kyun?

Husband : Arre jis friend ki engagement thi na Tuesday ko, Aaj uski shaadi thi..to khushi ke mauke pe to.. samajh gayi na.

Saturday Night:

Wife: hmmm.. Ab?

Husband : Aaj purane school friends mil gaye the to WO disco le gaye aur zabardasti pila di.. maine bahut mana bhi kiya par maane nahi.

Sunday Night:

Wife (gusse se): Ab Aaj kya ho gaya..?

Husband : AADMI EK DIN BHI APNI MARJI SE NAHI PI SAKTA HAI KYA..??

* Bangkok special.. 

1 baar 1 aadmi BANGKOK ja raha tha.. 

Uski wife ne.. naa chaahte huye bhi usse 

jaane ki permission de di. 

Jis din wo ghar se nikal raha tha.. 

jaate jaate usko wife ne bulaaya aur 12 

condoms ka packet dekar boli.. 

Isse rakh lo mann ho gaya to. 

Aadmi khush ho jata hai aur sochta hai.. 

‘waah kya biwi mili hai..’ 

Achaanak uski wife awaaz de kar usko fir 

bulati hai aur kehti hai: 

‘Ruko, usme se 2 mujhe de do.. kahi mera mann ho gaya to..’ 

BC Trip Cancelled.. 

* Wife drinking WHISKEY,

Asked: Tum kaun ho?

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Husband: Pagal ho gayi ho kya?

Apne husband ko bhool gayi?

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Wife: Nasha har gum bhula deta hai.. Bhaisaab..!! 

*

Ek Sali apne Jija ke sath train me ja rahi thi.

Raat ko wo kafi der tak Jija ko apne Kisse sunati rahi,

Ke, Achanak Jija ne puchha:

Kya khayal hai aaj raat hum dono miyan biwi ki tarah guzaaren.

Sali sharmate hue boli:

Ji, jaise aap ki marzi.

Jija: To chalo phir apni..

bak bak band karo aur mujhe sone do.

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Na dosto Na.

Gande msg or mere number se?

Impossible…

*

Bahut puraani baat hai..

Ek african apni family ke sath jungle me hi rahta tha..

usane kabhi mirror nahi dekha tha..

1 din jungle me use shisha mila.

Usme khud ko dekh kar smjha ke uske baap ki tasvir hai,

aur wo use apne ghar le gaya aur roz bate karne laga.

Uski biwi ko shak hua,

1 din jab uska pati bahar gaya hua tha to usne shisha bahar nikala

aur apni shakl dekh ke boli :

Accha.. To ye hai wo Kal-muhi jis se mera pati baaten karta hai.

Usne sheesha apni saas ko dikhaya,

To Saas boli: Chinta mat kar, Shukar mana..

buddhi hai, jaldi hi mar jayegi.

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Insult jokes SMS हिन्दी चुटकुले

Insult SMS jokes in hindi

*Agar english aati hai to..

Fast padhkar dikaho

My

A My

They My

They They My

A My They na My

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Hahahaha..

Chhutta nahi hain maaf karo..!!!

Aage jao.. 

* Iss dharti se lekar uss amber tak.. 

Do hi cheez gazab ki hai.. 

Ek mera bholapan.. ek tera kaminapan. 

* Dil ne kaha dosto ko message kar, 

Mobile uthaaya, 

phir socha rahne de 

DIL TO PAAGAL HAI 

Phir socha DIL paagal hai to kya hua,

Dost kaun se normal hai ..!! 

* Maine 1 din Mandir ki Daan Peti mein 

1 rupaya daal kar 1 achha dost manga.. 

Tab Bhagwan ne Muje tum se milaya aur kaha: 

1 rupaye mein AISA hi milega. 

* Example of self insult, 

Boss (In Angry mood): 

Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai kya ?? 

Boy (Nazre jhuka ke): Nahi, 

Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho, 

Upar meri taraf dekho. 

* Hai, 

smart, 

bahot, 

woh, 

hai, 

bheja, 

ne, 

jis, 

aur, 

hu, 

raha, 

padh, 

se, 

niche, 

ko, msg, 

jo, 

hu, 

pagal, 

woh, 

Main. 

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CONFUSED? 

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Ab msg niche se upar padho..!! 

* Wo kya sahegi pyar ke dard ko.

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Kal activa se giri, ab tak ro rahi hai.. 

* Mobile kya hai?

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Answr dhund rhe ho kya?

Ye hath me kya lauda pakda huwa hai?

Kaise kaise gandu dost hai yaar 

* Husband: Saare cooking show dekhti ho 

fir bhi thik se khana banana nahi aata..??? 

Wife: Tum bhi to blue film dekhte rehte ho 

maine kabhi kuch kaha..??? 

* Aadmi keval 2 prakar ke hote hai 

ek to jinda 

aur 

dusare 

Shadishuda

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Husband wife sms jokes हिन्दी चुटकुले

Husband-Wife SMS

* Mom to Children: Jo meri baat maanega aur 

muze ulta jawab nahi dega, 

usko main Gift dungi.. 

Children: Lo kar lo baat is tarah to.. 

saare gift Papa hi le jaayenge!! 

* Dharam Pita.. not real father. 

Dharam Maa.. not real mother. 

Dharam Putra.. not real son. 

Dharam Bhai.. not real brother. 

Dharam Behan.. not real Sister. 

But & 

Why this zabardast mistake happened 

Dharam-PATNI.. MEANS REAL WIFE.

* PATI: Are sunti ho! 

Seene ke safed baal dikhane par 

mujhe senior citizen pension mil gayi ! 

PATNI: Zip khol ke dikha dete to 

VIKLAANG Bhatta bhi mil jata.. 

* Son to Dad: Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki 

mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku? 

Papa: Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!! 

* Wife bache ki potty medical test karwane gayi. 

Doctor: Ye potty nahi halwa hai. 

Biwi: ek phone karlu?? 

Doctor: kyon? 

Biwi: Unko batana hai ki.. 

potty unke tiffin me chali gayi hai..!! 

* Wife: Tum saari dunya mein bhi dhoondo 

to bhi mujh jaisi doosri nahi milegi. 

Husband: Tum kya samjhti ho.. 

Mein doosri bhi tum jaisi hi dhoondoon ga..!! 

Hadd Ho Gayi.. 

* Wife: Suno ji, agar tumhaare baal isi raftaar se 

jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!! 

Pati: He BHAGWAN, aur main paagal 

inko bachaane ki koshish kar rahaa tha! 

* Kya aap ki life bahot boring hai? 

Agar haan.. 

to type kijiye 

I love U (space) (boyfriend ka naam) 

aur 

Send kare apne husband ko. 

Kasam se life me hungama mach jayega.. 

* Wife will be Wife 

Wife: Apke birthday ke liye itna mast suit liya hai ki bas puchho mat..! 

Husband: Shukar hai tumhe mera khayal to aaya, 

Lao dikhao.. 

Wife: Abhi pehen ke aati hoon. 

* Ek lady apne boyfriend ke sath ghum rahi thi. 

Itne me uska husband aa gaya aur uske Boyfriends ko peetne laga. 

Lady: Maar Saale Ko! Apni Biwi Ghumaate Nahi, Dusre Ki Biwi Ko Ghumaane le aate hai. 

Itne me BF ko josh aya or wo hsbnd ko marne laga. 

Lady: Maar sale ko! 

na khud ghumaane le jata hai, na kisi or ko ghumaane deta hai.

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Munna bhai funny sms jokes in hindi

Munna Bhai Style SMS




*
Munna bhai & circuit’s funda of life

Munna bhai: Circuit MURGA & MURGI me diffrence kaise samajhne ka?
Circuit: Simple hai bhai, Ek patthar marne ka BHAGA to MURGA or BHAGI to MURGI…

Munnabhai: Ye Ramnavmi kyo manai jaati hai?
Circuit: Arey simple hai bhai.. is din bhagwan RAM aathvi pass karke Navmi me gaye the.

Munna: Yaar Circuit, ye Gandhiji Har note me haste kue rehte hai?
Circuit: Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga…

Munna Bhai: Circuit apun ko 1 Nurse se Pyar ho gayela hai, Love Letter me kya Likhu
Circuit: Simple Bhai, Likhne ka…
DEAR SISTER
I LOVE U
Tumara MUNNA BHAI




* Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?
Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu
Munna: Kyun!
Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.


* Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle
patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya
to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.


* Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone pe baat ki.
Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.
Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!


* Munna Bhai: Apna Desh kaun chala raha hai?
Cirkit: Bhai SMS
Munna Bhai: Kya bakta hai?
Cirkit: Bhai, SMS bole toh
S=SARDAR
M=MANMOHAN
S=SINGH


* Dost sorela hai kya,
Teri bahut memory Areli thi,
Akha world me Apunko
ekich to tere jesa Dost mila,
miss to karegaich na,
Bole to GOOD wali night


* Bhool kar bhi kisi ko na rulana,
Zindgi me sabko hansana,
Dushman ko bhi gale lagana ,
Phir bhi koi gam de to mujhe batana,
“THOK DENGE SAALE KO”


* Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu
har note me haste hi
kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai
BHAI, Royenge to note
geeela ho jayenga na.


* Munn Bhai: College ka fulform kya hota he Circuit?

Circuit: Boleto bhai,
C-come
O-on
L-love
L-lets
E-every
G-girl
E-every day
Bhai!!


* GudNit in MunnaBhai Style:
Chand fekta hai light
Boleto hogayi hai night
To band karneka light
Sojane ka tight
Samje Tubelight
Boleto GudNit

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Munna bhai funny sms jokes हिन्दी चुटकुले

Munna Bhai Style SMS

* Cow: Kya me Bolu 

Ox: Sun 

Cow: Suna 

Ox: Chalti Kya Ghaushala 

Cow: Kya Kru?ake me Ghaushala 

Ox: Mundi Hilaeanga, 

Ghas Chabaenge, 

Ghobar Flaynge Or Kya? 

* Circuit- Bhai, Aamerican Rastrapati Kaha Rehta He? 

Munaa- DHOBIGHAT Pe 

Circuit- Dhobighat Bole To? 

Munaa- English Me Bole To 

“WOSHING TOWN” 

* Munna: Ye Gandhi Bapu har note mei Haste kyun rehte hai?? 

Circuit: Simple hai BHAI.!! 

Royenge to Note Geela nahi ho jayega..! 

* Bas kar yaar, mera pura inbox

full ho gaya hai tere sms se……….

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Ye prayas hai mujhe SMS NA KARNE WALE LOGO K LIYE

“GANDHIGIRI” se samjhane ka tarika.

* Impact of Movies: 

Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi? 

Student:- He is the one who helped 

Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!

* Abhi bole to bhai ko tere SMS nahi aarele, 

Bhai ka khopdi boht tight he, 

Bol nikalu kya tera luky draw? 

bole to do-char SMS chipka dal mamu. 

Sender… Circuit Bhai! 

* Tera bhot memory aa rela tha, 

Itna tem ho gela hai, 

tere ko dekha bhi nai, 

Akha life mei tere jesa 1 item mila apanko, 

miss to karega 

* EXam’s song by Munna bhai: 

Chanda Mama so Gaye, 

Student sarey jage. 

Dekho pakdo yaron, 

Ghadi ke kaante bhaage. 

Ek pariksha khatam,to duji 

shuru ho gayi MAAMU. 

* Ab itni night ko apun tere ko 

kisi film ki kahani sunane 

k liye msg to karega nahin. 

Common sense ki baat hai k 

tere ko GUD Night bolney ka hai! 

Chal ludak le.. 

* MAMU : Oye, maar gayay yaar. 

Meri biwi aur premika saath saath AA rehli hain. 

MAMU KA DOST : Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

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